I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
