There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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