we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
