Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
