careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
time to smoke my breakfast
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
