who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
