1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
