Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
