Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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