I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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