nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
