I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
