Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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