Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
