You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
