She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the condom got lost in my hair
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
