Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
