for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
