Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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