Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
