life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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