Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
