And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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