That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
