she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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