My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
