she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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