I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
