just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
