This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
