The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
