He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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