the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize