I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
