I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
