This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
