sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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