Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
