i permit you to call me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
