i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
