Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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