Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
