So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
