I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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