OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
