i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
