when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
