how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
