how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
