so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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