Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
