i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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