Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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