Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
