There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
