I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
