Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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