making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
