Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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