After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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