I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
