My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
