i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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