Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
