yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
