is your mom at the bar?
Buhtt sex?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
