Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
