Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
