New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
