so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize