Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
