I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
