Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
