So drunk its hurt
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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