hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
