Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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