I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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