carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
