Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
