If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
